Today started off as any normal day. I woke up, went to
school as normal but then at lunch time disaster struck. I was eating my lunch
as I normally do with my friends and I was texting Brian as well. I was talking
to him for about 10 minutes and I knew that something had happened. He didn't
really sound like himself it was like he was someone else. Suddenly I felt like
my heart was just ripped from my chest. Brian had just said that he didn't love
me anymore but I was adamant that it wasn't him. It couldn't be him! I told my
friends and they were shocked because they knew how much he loved me but they
were obviously wrong. I felt the tears flooding my eyes and I ran into the
bathroom and cried and then I fell to the floor in the cubicle. I needed to
talk to him so I called him and he told me again that he didn't love me. I
still didn't believe him but I was really angry because in my head I knew it
was his friends that were texting me but he assured me that it was completely
him.
I walked up to my locker, clinging my phone and I walked
past Norma and Phoebe and they turned around and Norma said "Lauren are
you still with Brian?" I lied and said "Yea why?" and then she
sneered and said "Thought he broke up with you?" I was shocked that
it had travelled the schools so fast. I stormed off and texted Amanda saying
"Norma knows" and then I went back to the games room and cried some
more and my friends were asking me how she knew but I didn't know. Everything
just didn't make sense, it was like I was in a paranormal universe and some one
else was pulling the strings.
Amanda and Alex had asked me for Brian's number and they
started texting him and asking him was he just messing or what. He wasn't, this
was really happening and there was nothing I could do about it. I went outside
and stood behind a pillar and cried and then Alex and Rachel came out to me and
then Katie came out with some tissue. Alex and Amanda then said that they was
going to bring me to see Mr. Corcoran. We went over and Mr. Corcoran had said
that he was too busy so he couldn't talk to me but in fairness he did seem very
upset that he couldn't help me. He brought me into his office for a few minutes
and he told Alex to go to Room 6 to tell Ms. O'Connell where me and Amanda
were. Me and her then went over to the meditation room and we sat down and I
got upset again. Amanda hugged me and held me close like something my mam would
do and as I cried she assured me that there was a reasonable explanation for
what was going on, I then started to stop crying and she promised me that it
was all a joke.
We were in the meditation room for the 2 Irish classes
because I couldn't face going back to class halfway through a class where people
would be nosey and asking people what was wrong with me and why I was crying so
I just stayed there until 3.20pm. Mr Kerrigan came into the meditation room at
about 2.40pm and he asked me what was wrong with me and why I was crying so
much, Amanda told him and he was shocked. Amanda told him everything and he
told me that I shouldn't try to get back with him or anything like that because
he had treated me so badly and that I deserve better than him. Apart of me knew
that he was telling the truth, I mean it was our 1 year anniversary about 2
weeks ago and now he was dumping me by text, the most hurtful thing of all was
that a few months ago I asked Brian would he ever dump me by text and he said
"no" that dumping someone by text was the worst way of dumping
someone. I kept on saying over in my head that this was all a big misunderstanding
but I still needed to see Brian but Mr. Kerrigan told me that I shouldn't go
over to see him because I would make myself even more upset.
At 3.30pm Mr. Kerrigan brought me and Amanda back to our
last class of the day, he went in and told Ms. McArdle where we were and
apologized for us being late. I sat down and as the clock was counting down to
4pm all I could think about was seeing Brian and I couldn't wait until school
was over. I walked home and I was texting Brian and he was still saying that he
didn't love me anymore and when I got home I went upstairs and asked Brian to
call me, I needed to speak with him. I asked him where he was and he said that
he was in Tesco getting something so I told him to walk up to my house so we
could talk. He said "okay I'll be 10 minutes".
20 minutes passed so I rang him asking where he was, he was
at home! I was disgusted and had one of them "WTF?!" moments. He said
that his mam had collected him from Tesco and brought him straight home. I said
"Okay, I'll go up to your house" so I told him that I would see him
in 5 minutes and that when I get to his house, he better be there. I asked my
dad could he give me a lift, my mam and
dad knew there was something wrong because they could tell I was crying and
they were kind of like "Why do you need to go to his house now?" I
had to tell them that Brian had broken up with me and that I needed to go see
what the hell was going on.
I rang Brian's doorbell and he answered it, I was expecting
him to talk to me at the door but he invited me in. We sat down and I could
tell that something was fishy like someone was going to jump out from behind
the sofa and shout "You've been pranked!" I was starting to get upset
because the love of my life was telling me how he didn't love me anymore but I
wasn't accepting that, I was demanding that he tell me WHY he didn't love me
anymore. I moved closer to him and put my hand on his, he didn't move. I was
sobbing and I was confused as to why he wasn't, I mean if I ever meant anything
to him I would think he would get a little bit upset when he broke up with me,
but no, nothing! That hurt me more than anything and I was sitting there
shouting at him "Why aren't you getting upset?!" He shrugged, I knew
he was lying for some reason and I was getting angry because he was making his
girlfriend feel like this, so paranoid, so angry.
I sat on his lap and he didn't seem to care, I thought to
myself, this is good he must still like me a little bit, I got even closer to
him and went in for a kiss. He rejected me. I felt heartbroken and when he
didn't even want to kiss me one more time because he hadn't seen me in 4 days
and if he was breaking up with me, I would think that he would want to kiss me
1 more time. I looked into his eyes, all I saw was darkness whereas before when
I would look into his eyes, I would see myself. I could feel some adrenaline
moving inside me towards my right hand, I wanted to slap him and hurt him as
much as he was hurting me. I wanted him to suffer but I still love him and I
was angry at myself for letting myself love him as much as I did. I held his
head in place and I kissed him again, this time our lips touched. He kept his
lips firmly pressed together and I tried my hardest to open them. Nothing! I
leaned back and looked at him and then I started stroking his neck and hugging
him and making him feel like he did still me and trying to get him to hug me
back. I went in for 1 more kiss an I thought to myself, 'this is the last time
and if he doesn't kiss me back, then I'll know that it's over', As my lips
touched his, he kissed me back, I could've jumped up and down, he did still
like me and I started crying and begging him to take me back and that we could
give it one more shot. He looked at me with love and care, he accepted, he
agreed to take me back. My heart was restored, he gave me a big hug and told me
he was sorry and that he would never hurt me again. I cried some more and he
wiped my eyes and kissed me, it was so gentle, so soft as if it was our first
time.
I couldn't stay for long because the 'girls night in' thing
with Amanda was tonight so I had to call my dad and get him to collect me. When
I was leaving Brian's house, Brian had tears in his eyes and he told me that he
loved me and that he never wanted to hurt me ever again and said "goodbye
sweetheart". I was holding his hand and then when I let go, I felt empty
again. It was like we were connected in some way and when I left him I was on
my own. I was happy that we sorted everything out though, but my friends were
going to hate me because Amanda told me earlier on in school that if I got back
with Brian, that she would stop being my friend. I didn't want to loose either
of them so I wasn't going to chose, I was just going to be honest with Amanda
and tell her that if she was a real best friend, she would just want me to be
happy.
She came over at about 6.30pm and it's safe to say that I
was shiting myself because I knew that when I told her, she would change her
perspective of me and she would be angry at me for being so stupid. I told her
and she was angry and upset that I took him back. I started to get upset and
she asked me why I was crying and I told her it was because I didn't want to
loose her. She looked at me and I hugged her and she assured me that I wasn't
going to loose her, she just didn't want me to get hurt. My mam came in and we
all started to talk about what had happened and I knew that they both just
wanted me to be happy but I wanted them to understand that I loved Brian with
all my heart and that I would do anything for him and I knew deep down that he
would do the exact same thing for me and I knew now that he wouldn't do
anything ever again that would hurt me or affect our relationship.
Me and Amanda set off to our girls night, my mam and dad
dropped us to the hotel in Leixilip, we went in and this guy that worked in the
hotel brought us to the function room. We gave in our tickets to 2 women
sitting at a desk by the door, we walked in and looked around. We had to be the
youngest people there, everyone there was like the age of our mams. We went to
a table and sat down and came up with a plan. We decided that we would just
walk around and look at the different stalls and have see what they were
selling, go to the bar and get a drink and then sit back down again.
We started walking around sticking to each other because we
were so nervous, some of the things that were being sold there were actually
good quality gear and if I had a couple of hundred euro I would buy a lot of
things there. There was about 12 different stalls or companies that sold things
from Christmas candles to baby clothes and earrings to handbags. After having a
look at the merchandise that was on offer, we went to the bar and I got a drink
because Amanda didn't want one yet. Sipping my Coca Cola, we sat down again and
talked for a bit, Amanda said that she was going to buy some things here and
then she got me thinking about it. I figured that I didn't' need money for
anything over the next few days so it didn't bother me.
It was really hot in that room so we left and went outside
of the hotel into like a courtyard which had loads of tables in front of a
giant television on the wall and there was a waterfall scene which was
inconvenient because we couldn't hear what was on the television then. We were
sitting down for a good few minutes and talking and laughing really and then we
decided to head back over to the room, we went back in and decided to walk
around the stalls again. There was a few that had a questionnaire sheet and a
draw that you could fill in so we filled them in and put them in the box
required. Me and Amanda decided we
wanted to get some form of friendship bracelet so we walked over to the stalls
that sold jewellery but the bracelets were a bit expensive.
As the night went on, me and Amanda went over to the Avon stand and were asking about the sample products that
she had on display. She said they were free samples and that we could take
them, we did. We took loads of stuff from mini perfumes to face masks. We were
happy and were on our way, we went outside again to the courtyard to sit down
again because that room was roasting. I decided that I wanted to get a little
present for my mam there, we went over to a stand which sold baby things and a
few Christmas decorations. Amanda was looking at these 2 statues, 1 was like an
angel which was on a spring so she could shake if u pushed her and the other
one was of 2 little girls singing a hymn with their arm around each other. The
woman said that they were €1 each but Amanda said "no", the woman
then said €1 for the 2 and Amanda shook her head, so I said "I'll have
them!" so I got the 2 of them for a euro. I was happy and I knew my mam
would like them. Amanda got something for Harry as well there.
There was then lovely sambo's going around so me and Amanda
swiped a few, the draws were going to be done at that point, neither me or
Amanda won anything. Typical! We went over to a stand where there was a woman
doing peoples nails, Amanda got her nails done but I didn't want mine because I
don't have any nails, The night ended with this woman getting up and telling us
a story about when she was a size 32 and now she was a size 16 and everyone was
so inspired and clapping and cheering for her. It was really inspiring that she
chose to change her life and make herself feel better about herself. Me and
Amanda decided to leave so Amanda called her mam and her mam said that her dad
was leaving to come and pick us up. We sat in the hotels reception and waited
for about 20 minutes and then her dad was outside so we hopped in and headed
home.
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